Yes-No..! Come close, don’t come close..! Sounds familiar? There is a reason for this so called AMBIVALENT Attachment style.
Anxious-ambivalent attachment is when the infant feels separation anxiety when separated from the caregiver and does not feel reassured when the caregiver returns to the infant.
Many parents and/or caregivers are inconsistently attuned to their children.
Attachment researchers describe the behaviour of these adults, noting how at times they are nurturing, attuned and respond effectively to their child’s distress, while at other times they are intrusive, insensitive or emotionally unavailable.
When parents vacillate between these two very different responses, their children become confused and insecure, not knowing what kind of treatment to expect. Because they grew up insecure based on the inconsistent availability of their caregivers, they are “rejection-sensitive.” They anticipate rejection or abandonment and look for signs that their partner is losing interest.
When in an effective couple’s therapy, both partners expose and challenge their critical inner voices and come to understand the source of their destructive thoughts and attitudes in the context of their earliest attachments, this approach provides the impetus for exploring new, more positive ways of relating, and frees people to experience genuine loving feelings and real security in their intimate relationships.